Written by: Maxx LaBrie (They/Them/He/Him) – YMN’s Board of Directors President
May is Mental Health Awareness Month, and with that, folks tend to ask me how to support the young people in their lives more in May than any other month out of the year! I have taken the opportunity to share some actionable tips for peers, providers, parents and supportive adults to support the youth they know. I have worked with hundreds of youth in the last decade, and these are three tips I have learned from that work to support them!
Tip #1: Allow for self-determination and autonomy.
The most important tip I can give you is to not jump into pathologizing and trying to “fix” the situation when a young person shares that they are having a hard time. Young people have a unique experience because they often do not get a say in how their care goes (and I think that is one of the biggest mistakes we make, both in interpersonal relationships and in mental health care). Youth are the experts of their own lives and experiences and should be treated as such.
If a young person shares that they are having a hard time and you are unsure how to respond in that moment, I suggest asking “Do you want to vent and I’ll just listen to you, or do you want advice and guidance?” This leaves room for the young person to share what they need from you and gives them a choice. If they answer that they just want to vent, let them without interruption. A lot of the time, they just need to get things off their chest and out of their body and can then resume as things were. Sometimes, youth may not know which avenue of support they would like. In those moments, I recommend letting them tell you about what is happening and then checking in with them after to see if they know. If neither of these answers arises, sitting in silence is always an option! Sometimes nothing needs to be said, you just need to exist in that space with them.
Tip #2: Actively listen and let youth identify their own situations.
We tend to be very quick to jump into a situation and call it a “crisis” without taking the time to understand and listen. I urge people not to use the word crisis unless a young person has identified that is what is happening. Jumping in and catastrophizing the situation is more often than not going to make the experience worse than it needs to be.
Tip #3: If a young person sharing their story makes you uncomfortable, those are the stories you need to listen to the most.
One of the most common things I share with people in panels and trainings, is that sitting in discomfort is a very important practice to get better at. If there is a young person you feel strongly about not listening to, those are the young people who you need to be paying attention to and following their lead. That discomfort and avoidance is stemming from something you haven’t addressed in you. I can tell you from personal experience that these are the instances that will teach you the most. Youth should not be told to sugarcoat their stories for the comfort of adults. Learn from working through that initial discomfort. I guarantee you; you will learn so much more from youth than they will learn from you. And that is a beautiful thing.
What things have you learned from young people around you? Tell us in the comments below!
